Free samples, coupons, cheap shopping, free shipping, freebies, outlet, discounts, printables, promotions, Facebook & Twitter
 
HomeFree Samples, Food, Software, Books, Baby Stuff and much more!Latest imagesShop AmazonPrint / Clip / Save It's LIKE printing MONEY!Store Categories A - ZHot DealsBLOGSearchRegisterLog in
Click:
Stores
Rule Of Thumb
Please only sign up if you are comfortable with the offer. 
We check the offers PRIOR to posting them here, so most of them ARE good and totally SAFE!
However, we "CANNOT" be held responsible if you don't recieve your offers.  
 There are many subjects we offer along with the freebies, such as contests, chat, fun stuff, jokes, games, coupons, great deals and even a real bargain shopping page.  Enjoy!
Poll
Which room is the hardest to keep organized?
Bathroom
A guide to walking tigers Vote_lcap0%A guide to walking tigers Vote_rcap
 0% [ 0 ]
Bedroom
A guide to walking tigers Vote_lcap0%A guide to walking tigers Vote_rcap
 0% [ 0 ]
Child's bedroom
A guide to walking tigers Vote_lcap33%A guide to walking tigers Vote_rcap
 33% [ 2 ]
Family room
A guide to walking tigers Vote_lcap0%A guide to walking tigers Vote_rcap
 0% [ 0 ]
Home office
A guide to walking tigers Vote_lcap17%A guide to walking tigers Vote_rcap
 17% [ 1 ]
Kitchen
A guide to walking tigers Vote_lcap50%A guide to walking tigers Vote_rcap
 50% [ 3 ]
Living room
A guide to walking tigers Vote_lcap0%A guide to walking tigers Vote_rcap
 0% [ 0 ]
Total Votes : 6
Who is online?
In total there are 336 users online :: 0 Registered, 0 Hidden and 336 Guests

None

Most users ever online was 553 on Sun 22 Jan 2012, 8:29 pm
Statistics
We have 4566 registered users
The newest registered user is carney70

Our users have posted a total of 185706 messages in 70088 subjects

Share
 

 A guide to walking tigers

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
kewlchick2003

kewlchick2003

Female
Number of posts : 6464
Location : Illinois
Job/Hobbies : Special Education Teacher, Respite Care Work, Disability Advocate, Scrapbooker, Coffee Lover, Cats
Registration date : 2008-11-08

My Mood
 Mood Mood: Sleepy Sleepy
 :

A guide to walking tigers Empty
PostSubject: A guide to walking tigers   A guide to walking tigers EmptySat 14 Feb 2009, 11:46 am

Tigers really are as big and poofy and soft as they look, and they purr like a freight train going by. You find this out by taking one for a walk. To take a tiger for a walk, you first need a tiger. Tigers fresh from the bush are not recommended for the inexperienced. What you need is one who's used to the procedure. He or she is thus liable to be merely playful, rather than actively irritated. You also need a friend, whom you really, really trust. The friend carries an apple wood cane; apple, or some other wood which will bend under stress rather than shattering. This, friend, is your backup, and the cane is his or her only tool for everything, from knocking stuff out of the way that the tiger is liable to eat, to crowd control, to hooking on and madly hanging on if things go wrong.

What YOU carry is a ten foot length of pass-link chain. This is your leash.

Pass-link chain is the stuff where the links will fit through each other. This is important. You need this so you can hook on a safety clip. The chain is looped about the tiger's neck and acks as a giant choke-chain, but the clip is there to keep a loop of some sort in case things go badly wrong. You carry the chain looped in one hand in a peculiar fashion which permits the whole length of chain to be dragged from your hand without taking your hand and/or arm with it. You practice this beforehand till you're sure you've got it right.

Then you go into the cage with the tiger. Your friend does not. You gauge the tiger's mood and put the leash on the tiger. There isn't a whole lot more to say about this step except to say that that is why your friend is there, OUTside the cage. On your side is the fact that the tiger knows what the leash is for by this time and presumably is largely in favor of the idea.

This is where you find out that tigers are soft and poofy. They are also much, much larger than you had ever dreamed, when you're standing next to one.

Then you take the tiger for a walk. Your friend walks in front with the cane to clear the way. You walk with the tiger at your side, keeping pretty good control and letting the tiger know that you are Paying Attention, because if the tiger thinks you are not Paying Attention, it will do what housecats do, let you know that you should be Paying Attention. Unlike housecats, the tiger is big enough not to have to do anything truly outrageous to rectify the situation. Reaching behind you with one forepaw and sweeping your legs out from under you is generally considered good enough by most tigers. They think this is hilarious. To this extent, tigers differ from housecats in that they seem to have a sense of humor.

It is possible that the tiger will see something that it wants. In this case, the tiger will go where it wants to go, and your job is to stop it. This is generally done by wrapping the chain around something that you pass, as the tiger drags you away. This will slow it down enough for your friend to jump on top of you and grab the chain as you go bulleting across the countryside. The weight of two adult humans will generally slow a tiger down enough to make things manageable, whereas one will not.

It is not usual for the tiger to react to freedom by turning around and turning you into fajitas, though this would actually (at least in the short term) be an eminently practical thing for the tiger to do. They enjoy their fun but are generally not ill-tempered. If they are they don't get taken for walks.

They also purr like a freight train passing. Experts in the field claim that this is not purring, that it means something else, but you couldn't put it by me. Sure sounded like purring, at 16-2/3 RPM, but it sounded like purring.

All in all, an experience I highly recommend as a lifetime source of cocktail party conversation, but it sort of tends to leave you limp for the rest of the day.
Back to top Go down
 

A guide to walking tigers

View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1

 Similar topics

-
» Walking in Faith Book
» FREE Get Walking pack UK
» Free Book - Walking in Faith
» Start walking to help babies with March of Dimes.
» CVS Guide

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Real Free Stuff For All :: Members Lounge :: Jokes-